Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Still dying that you shit outside
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
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