he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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