I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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