I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
