So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
