dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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