i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
