I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
