I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
