What did we do last night that was yellow?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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