I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
