WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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