the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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