Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
