we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
