mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
