sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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