cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
