i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
