she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize