I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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