My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
