pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
