i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
