Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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