it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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