I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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