do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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