Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Can I color on your dick again?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
