Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
