I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
