Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
