She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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