Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
