Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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