you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
