WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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