Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize