he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize