Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
