She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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