I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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