So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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