Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize