Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
