I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
