Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
