I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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