We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
