Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
