I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize