she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
