In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
