You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
