so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
this is an emotional support booty call
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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