oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
