Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
