I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
