i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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