I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
