he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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