i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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