remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
