babies were throwing up all over the place
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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