Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize