she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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