i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
