whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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