i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
