He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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