Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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