when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
